Night-Write 8
My shower is like a goddamn NASA operation from the ’60s every single time. It’s one of those showers that are activated by pulling out a giant knob and twisting it to either the “Hot” or “Cold” side. Yes, and technically, you then have to pull up that little peg on the faucet to redirect the water up to the shower head, but let’s not get all nit-picky here. Anyway, if you want a warm shower, all you have to do, in theory, is to point the knob straight down the middle between the “Hot” and “Cold” side. Right? Because when you mix hot water with equal part cold water, you get warm water. Yes, I’d say that’s pretty sound logic. Well, then why the hell does my shower choose to ignore it?? In my shower’s cozy little worldview, warm water does not exist at all, apparently – it’s either scalding hot or freezing cold. So, because my shower is such a narrow-minded douche-bag, I’m forced to constantly turn the knob left and right to give off the illusion of “warm” water during my entire shower – every single frickin’ time! Time to get someone to knock some sense in the plumbing.
The world premiere of my play, Mind Block, was a success! It was presented at Nakai Theatre’s Homegrown Festival a couple weeks ago from May 11th – 16th. Here’s a brief blurb of the play: “Two neurons in a man’s brain begin a seemingly routine review of his day while he sleeps. As the night progresses, it turns out to be the most significant turning point of his life.” I’ll post an excerpt of the script later on. I was lucky to have such a fantastic cast & crew, who helped me bring this crazy idea of mine onto the stage in record time. It was very well received by the audience, which definitely gives me a huge boost of encouragement to take this play further someday.
I was taking a nature break on a toilet the other day when I discovered that the toilet paper roll was inserted with the loose toilet paper end hanging behind the roll. It vexed me. I was terribly vexed. Because the only proper way of inserting a toilet paper roll is to have the end hanging in front of the roll. Here’s why: first of all, it’s convenient for the user. Wouldn’t you rather unravel the roll without having to awkwardly reach a few more inches further to fumble for the end that’s sneakily hiding behind the roll? Secondly, and most importantly, it makes perfect hygiene sense. If you fold your toilet paper any way like the way I do, you would take the end furthest away from you and loop it back over the top to meet the end closest to you. Now, we all know how germy the toilet and its vicinity is – some of the germs would unavoidably collect on the surface of the toilet paper roll. But with a forward-pulling toilet paper roll though, the germs would eventually be folded inside (provided that you follow my folding method outlined above), which means that you wouldn’t have to touch your bum with the germy side. For all the smart-alecks out there, don’t give me the bullcrap that the germs would have permeated to the other side of the toilet paper anyway. You’re probably right – but at least I have the comfort of knowing I’m not wiping my ass with the first fucking line of defense on the toilet paper roll after it is bombarded by flying mutant germs. So…to reiterate my point, there is only one proper way of inserting a toilet paper roll: the loose end hangs on the front of the roll.
A friend of mine jokingly wondered if Facebook is, in fact, spying on him through his monitor because of some of the ads on his page. I couldn’t resist firing off a silly response:
Yes – unbeknownst to most of us, the mass distribution of LCD monitors was the platform for the world’s first global nanotechnology experiment.
Dormant nanobots have been manipulated to merge symbiotically with the liquid crystal molecules that make up LCD monitors. In recent years, once LCD monitors have saturated the majority of the global market, codes have been transmitted via the Internet to activate these nanobots. Governments and corporations all across the world have been invited to participate in the experiment to discover various applications for these nanobots.
Remote espionage is the most popular one so far – and Facebook just cashed in on it.
You have been warned.
*IF YOU FEAR FOR HUMANITY, POST THIS ON YOUR FACEBOOK STATUS TO WARN EVERYONE OF THE IMPENDING DOOM*
I won the lottery a few nights ago! It was quite a hefty sum, too. I was screaming ecstatically and pumping my fists in the air. I remember saying, “Well, I didn’t get the full jackpot, but I’ll take any amount of winnings!” Then I woke up screaming ecstatically and pumping my fists in the air. I was not amused.
One of my all-time favourite ice cream flavours is cookies & cream. One of my all-time favourite berries is blueberries. When you mix the two together, you get one of my all-time favourite desserts: blueberries in cookies & cream. Guess what I’m eating right now. Mmm-mm.
G’night!
