Texting To Undeath
For those of you who have had the unfortunate occasion of texting with me, you may have experienced feelings of mounting frustration. You may even recall thinking, “This guy is such a n00b.” If this is true, do not worry – I wholeheartedly agree with you.
I think it is fairly obvious what my stance on texting is from this past post: Text Me – I’m Right Next To You. I never text unless I absolutely have to and when I do, I make a point of typing out every word in full, which means it takes an eternity for me to reply to people’s texts. As a logophile, I feel I am committing sacrilege each time I substitute a word with its horrifically-abbreviated “equivalent” in the texting world.
It is really quite amusing, now that I think about it. An entire new English sub-language had been developed in the span of a few decades and it has been embraced by practically everyone from my generation onwards except for stubborn ol’ me. I am the black sheep of my generation.
With the advent of texting came mind-boggling situations where people become so engrossed in texting that they forget about what they should really be concentrating on at the moment – like driving, for instance. Thank goodness for the new laws that are coming into effect to regulate what should really be common sense in the first place.
Anyway, my friend asked around yesterday for some ideas to create a PSA educating the public on the dangers of texting while driving. The basic theme is to compare that to the most ridiculous scenario we can come up with where texting is not appropriate at all. Fascinated and with clearly a lot of free time in my hands, this is what I came up with:
So…you’re having coffee with your friend when the window behind her shatters and a couple of demented-looking people pounce on her. Screams cut through the air in the coffee shop as window after window shatters and a horde of more wild-eyed people pour in. You freeze in panic, noticing for the first time the blood dripping from their mouths and the way they walk in weird lurch-steps. Suddenly, you realize that these are not just crazy kooks – they’re goddamn zombies! In a burst of strength fueled by primal fear, you hurl a table at the zombie mob blocking the exit and take a running leap to vault from the table over their heads. But the mob turns out to be much larger than you thought and in mid-leap, you twist into a somersault back away from the exit. Frantically, you leap behind the barista counter to search for a weapon of some sort. You start launching mugs at the zombies (aiming for their heads, of course) but they prove to be ineffective. Finally, you’re forced to settle for the bread knife used for cutting bagels and prepare yourself for close-quarters combat. As you brandish the knife and bellow in defiance at the zombies converging on all sides of the counter, your cell phone suddenly vibrates and out of habit, your hand automatically thumbs it open for your eyes’ viewing pleasure. It’s a text from another friend of yours: “hey, wanna go have lunchhhhhhhhh”. You hear your stomach growl so you shrug, thinking it’s a good idea. As you are about to text back, “sure – where?”, you snap back to reality and realize that the growl actually belongs to the zombie that is now standing right in front of you. Maybe texting wasn’t such a good idea after all.
You may ask, “What do zombies have to do with texting?” Well…nothing, really. It is just that, in my opinion, every PSA should always include some warning about a possible zombie apocalypse – it is only sensible marketing.
Text to lose your braaaaiiiin...
(Image courtesy of: SwitchedOnMag.com)
I am part of the black sheep herd as well! I don’t even own a cell phone; I have a cb radio in my truck. I am pretty sure I am the only 30 year old on the face of the planet without a cell.
Excellent – it’s good to know I am not the only black sheep left around here. Here I was, thinking everyone had gone albino on me. Thanks for making my day, Kara!