Lailee, I Miss Thee
I rummaged in my winter coat pockets this morning and brushed against a few crumbs. Naturally, it confused the heck out of me. When did I ever store bits of cookies in my pockets? And then it hit me: those weren’t cookie crumbs – they were Milk-Bone crumbs. As the cold shock of the revelation spread through me, the waves in the sea of despondency rose up and engulfed me.
I’ve always loved dogs. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve dreamt of having a dog who would run alongside of me – a constant companion in my day-to-day discovery of the world. When my folks and I moved up to the North, that dream only grew brighter.
It must be the scent of unrestrained freedom that always permeates the Northern air. Whatever it is, the dogs up here seem to possess a bottomless well of vibrancy that is unmatched anywhere else. They are the conduit through which we connect with Nature because they are the only animals who have been willing to remain to guide us through the gap we humans have created against Nature for thousands of years.
So, last winter, I managed to convince my folks to adopt a dog into the family. A friend of ours told us that a stray five-month-old puppy had been found wandering along the highway and was being held in the city pound. We went there to take a look and I instantly felt the warm and fuzzy feeling in my heart that told me this is the most perfect dog in the world.
It’s hard to place a finger on exactly what breeds the dog is crossed with. To me, she looks like a Golden Retriever crossed with a Husky. She has most of the features of a Golden Retriever, but with the distinctive snout and curled-up tail of a Husky.
In any case, the sheer joy she exhibited at seeing us visit her in the drab, concrete cell she stayed in won us over. We rescued her from the pound and decided to name her “Lailee”. It’s the Cantonese-style spelling of Mandarin pinyin, but in both dialects, the meaning is the same: “Arrival of Auspiciousness”.
Lailee with her favourite toy
And what a fitting name it was! The moment she stepped into our home, we felt the energy noticeably become much livelier. She excitedly explored every room on the first floor and looked up to the second floor eagerly. We urged her to go on ahead upstairs, but she just looked back at us expectantly. That was when we realized that she didn’t like stairs for some reason. So we carried her upstairs and after her exploration there, we carried her back downstairs to show her the backyard and the surrounding trails.
Lailee loved that squeaky toy so much that she eventually chewed it to shreds
My dream had finally come true. There I was, with my canine companion beside me as we forged new trails along the greenbelt behind our home. She loved diving into snowdrifts and scrambling back out again to shake off the snow. Then she would be off to find another one to barrel through, with her right ear (which always seemed to be perpetually raised up) waving in the wind like a proud banner. It was one of her ways of marking her passing in the territory.
Lailee posing for a Kodak moment with the cone-hood on after her spaying operation
I was so engrossed with living my dream that I was oblivious to the fact that my folks grew more uncomfortable with each passing day.
My mother had always been ill at ease around dogs. It took an enormous amount of courage on her part to finally agree to have a dog in the home. But as days rolled into weeks, Lailee had grown a lot larger in size and my mother’s fears resurfaced once again.
Lailee running after me as I signal the time to come back home
Eventually, my folks made the decision to have “The Talk” with me over dinner one evening.
My favourite dishes were on the table and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lailee watching longingly at each bite going into my mouth – even though she had already polished off her own dinner. I couldn’t help smiling at her enormous appetite.When dinner was near its end, my father cleared his throat in a manner that could only mean a serious discussion was about to follow. I looked at him curiously.“Winluck…there’s something we’ve been meaning to talk to you about,” he said with a glance at Mom. “Um…well, we’ve been thinking. We know you’ve always wanted a dog and it’s obvious that you’ve been really happy since we took in Lailee. It’s just that…it’s been tough on your mother. She hasn’t been able to get a good night sleep after we got Lailee and…y’know, I think it’s time to throw in the towel and bring Lailee to the pet shelter. It’s too much for your mother to take.”I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I thought everything had been going fine. But when my gaze turned to my mother, I knew they hadn’t been. Tears glistened in her eyes and I could see that they were a combination of the warring emotions between her fears and her desire for me to be happy.The room suddenly turned watery and realizing what it meant, I pushed back my chair.“Excuse me,” I whispered and ran upstairs to my room.
The next morning, we took Lailee to the pet shelter and said our last goodbyes. As our car made its slow journey back home, the tears I held in last night flowed forlornly down my face.
I hope you’ve found a warm home, Lailee. I miss you – and I always will.
Lailee looking up at me before we went inside for dinner
That is so sad – now my room is watery. Who would have thought that finding cookie crumbs in your pocket could be painful. A couple of weeks ago, being told that we no longer need multi-cat litter had a similar effect on me.
I’m sorry to hear that. It’s amazing how strong of an emotional attachment we can develop with our pets. In the end, they become an intrinsic part of the family even though we are of different species – and it is just as painful when they depart.