Down With Clowns!
This is the perfect day to tell a horrifying tale – something that scarred me for the rest of my Life.
I must’ve been in Grade One or Two. There was a circus in town and our teacher decided to take the class on a field trip to go see it. We were all bubbling with such unchecked excitement that the bus pretty much wobbled and bobbed towards the circus. When we got there, the show started with a flash and a bang and we found our enthusiasm instantly rewarded with a dazzling opening sequence.
Trapeze artists flew through the air, acrobats cartwheeled along the ground, and jugglers lit up the ring with flaming torches. They were quickly followed by a parade of exotic animals from lions and tigers to chimpanzees and elephants. Elephants! It was the first time we all saw such massive and majestic animals that we were absolutely dumbfounded.
It was practically impossible for our eyes to be fixed on one place for more than three seconds. What captivated us was how the chaos seemed to have a mysterious pattern to it somehow. It was a fascinating paradox.
It just so happened that as I was temporarily transfixed by an element of orderly chaos on the far right of the ring, a horde of clowns poured out from the left side and seethed up the aisle into the audience. Of course, it was just my luck that day to occupy a seat right at the edge of the aisle. I did not realize what was going on until it was too late.
One of the clowns scampered straight towards me and grabbed my shoulders. I jerked my head around stared straight into his hideous face. My stare took in his pasty white face, wild mascara-ringed eyes, and unnaturally wide lips painted on in a permanent maniacal grin. The visage burned into my mind with searing clarity. A half-second later, I screamed.
I shrank away from the entity of pure evil and lashed out with my feet, desperately trying to strike him where it hurts the most. Let’s see him trying to grin with crushed nuts! But sheer terror distorted my aim and he managed to scurry away in time.
From then on, I have been deathly afraid of clowns.
Who the hell invented clowns anyway? Whoever thought prancing around with a demonic expression painted on the face would cheer people up is one sick bastard! If I have the technology to travel back in time, I would find that bastard and solder a shock collar around his neck – with programming to give him a nasty electric jolt anytime his thoughts strayed towards the possibilities of face paint, mascara, neon-coloured wigs, and…maybe red balls with slits, too.
Oh, that wasn’t my inside voice, was it? Well, I don’t give a shit! I say: down with clowns – all of them!
So, screw you circus clowns, street clowns, clown dolls, Crimson Clown, Zeebo the Clown, the It-clown, and yes, even you Ronald McDonald! You can all burn in Hell…which is where you all came from. So no, that wouldn’t do because it’d be like going back home, wouldn’t it? No, I want you to really suffer. Well, I hope you all writhe in agony forever…somewhere – other than Hell.
Yeah. That’s right. Um…okay, now that I’ve said my piece, I think I’m just gonna turn around and uhh…run away! Ahhh!!
The Crimson Clown (from "Are You Afraid Of The Dark?")
(Screenshot courtesy of: Sydlexia.com)
What are your thoughts on mimes?
Strangely enough, I don’t find mimes as creepy. Even though they have the same pasty white face foundation, the rest of their facial make-up is more subtle and minimalistic, which makes them still appear…human.
They often trap themselves in boxes, which must help.
Oh yeah – any extra barriers would help, imaginary or not