Random Pips

You know those tense elevator rides you sometimes go on with a complete stranger? Imagine if that stranger happened to be a Justice of the Peace. Oh yes, my thoughts exactly…awkward indeed.

It was the end of the work day yesterday and I was eager to head home. It’s a perfect day to go for a run to finally burn off the winter.
I frowned impatiently at the blinking floor numbers as the elevator made its ponderous way from the top floor to mine. At last, it reached my floor and the doors slid open. I took a step into the elevator and froze in my tracks. Standing regally with a finger on the “open” button was the Judge himself. My mind began to race.
Quick, think fast. Uh…turn around! No wait – I’m already halfway in. Too obvious. Um…shit, there’s no way out of this. Well, get the hell in there then! He’s waiting – you never keep a Judge waiting!
I hurriedly wrenched up my other foot that had taken root outside the elevator threshold and dragged it in. The doors rumbled to a close right behind with an ominous thud.
“Hi, Justice…” I trailed off when I realized I didn’t have a clue what his name is beyond his title. My face instantly went beet-red and I desperately tried to rustle up some semblance of a proper apology. I glanced at him and blinked. There was no reaction from him and it was quite apparent that he wasn’t even aware that I had spoken at all. I replayed in my mind my attempted greeting to him and nodded.
Yep…I’d have a hard time hearing a whisper over the air conditioner running full blast above as well.
I clamped my mouth shut. I peeked at the button panel and saw that he was also going to the parking level.
Great, more time for me to make a fool of myself. He probably thinks I’m an idiot already. As far as he’s concerned, since he hadn’t heard my greeting, I might as well be a lump of rock.
I racked my brain for something intelligent to say. Nothing came to mind.
Okay, forget intelligence then. Um…small talk. What’s the first thing that strangers talk about? Ah yes – the weather!
Excited at the chance to redeem myself, I turned to him once again.
“So, the sun – ”
“You’re going down to parking?” he suddenly asked. I choked on the rest of my sentence.
“Oh right – yes. I am. Thank you,” I finally managed after a long, grueling second of clearing my throat. “And you as well?”
“Um…yes,” he replied and shifted his attention to observing the elevator progress above the doors. I winced.
It’s confirmed – he definitely thinks I’m an idiot now. Of course he’s going to parking as well, dumbass. He’s the one who pressed the frickin button before I even got into the elevator!
I decided then that it was probably best for the both of us if I just remained silent for the rest of the elevator ride.
An eternity later, the elevator doors opened at the parking level. We nodded politely at each other and parted ways.

If it were anyone other than a Judge, I think I would’ve fared much better at a conversation.

I know it doesn’t make sense because he is ultimately just another human being as well. Yet, whenever we attach a high title or rank to someone, it seems like that’s all we can focus our attention on and not much else. It’s amazing how powerful such an abstract concept is. Without it, you are just an average everyday person. With it, you are suddenly elevated to a god-like status.

Next time, maybe I should subconsciously confer a title upon myself so that I’d feel more comfortable speaking to a titled person like an equal.

~ by Winluck on April 30, 2009.

Posted in Humour, People, Society