Madness? This Is Cinema!
I just saw 300 this weekend and it was bloody awesome! Literally. But I’m sure you heard about how action-packed it is already and probably have already seen the movie at least once. So instead of gushing about 300, I am going to gnash my teeth about my cinema experience during 300 (and the cinema experience in general), focussing especially on some of the people in the audience.
Despite seeing an amazing movie on a gigantic screen, there are always several things that cut down on your enjoyment at the cinemas.
First off, there is the sticky floor that seems to be a must-have feature for all cinemas. Over years of people accidently or purposely spilling their food and drinks, the cinema floors have developed a permanent, spongy layer of ultimate stickiness. This means that attempting to walk stealthily in the cinema is practically impossible.
Imagine you’re in the middle of watching a very gripping scene and someone enters the cinema late. You’re annoyed that he briefly distracted your eyes by letting in some unwanted outside light when he opened the door. But no matter, the scene already absorbed your full attention again. Meanwhile, he is creeping along the carpeted aisle, looking for a seat. Just when the Persians are about to collide into the wall of Spartans, you hold your breath, waiting for the crash of shield against shield…and hear a disgusting but oh-so-familiar *squish squish squish* instead. Sounds like the latecomer just found himself a seat.
Scene from "300": Spartan phalanx readying itself for the Persian onslaught
(Screenshot courtesy of: Yahoo.com)
Another event that detracts from the cinema pleasure is people with food. I’m not saying it’s not okay to eat or drink during a movie – I do too. But please, please, please do not rattle or slurp your food or drink.
There was a woman who kept sucking noisily on her straw when there was obviously no more pop left in her cup. Even when she finally realized that she was only sucking on melted ice water, she wasn’t convinced. She proceeded to rattle the ice in her cup, as if that would magically conjure up more pop. Um…sorry to disappoint you, Ms. I-Want-More-Pop-Now, but you’ll have to go to Hogwarts to learn how to do that. But judging by the amount of time it took for you to notice the dozens of glares sent in your direction, I’m afraid you’ll remain a Muggle for the rest of your life.
The most annoying thing, however, is when there is someone who feels obligated to give a running commentary on the movie. I happened to be sitting right in front of just this someone during 300. So throughout the entire movie, I had to suffer through comments like:
“Hey, the wolf’s eyes are glowing yellow – not red.”
“That’s right, kick the bastard down the hole!”
“Dude…check out her nipples…”
“Shit man, that guy is one ugly motherfucker.”
“It’s a frickin orgy-fest in there. Sweet!”
“The head came off! The whole fucking head just flew off!!”
I’m glad you have such phenomenal observation skills, Mr. I-Love-My-Nasally-Voice. But next time, please just shut the hell up. The person sitting in front of you next time may not be able to restrain his fist from smashing into your mouth.
Anyway, as heated as I sounded in this rant, I’m actually used to these little annoyances now – it’s all part of the whole cinema experience.
Hi Winluck.
Great blog, enjoyable read.
However, I am posting this comment as I must respectfully disagree with you on 300. I just returned from Vancouver after watching 300 at Silver City Riverport on the Imax screen. I was not overly impressed as I was with V for Vendetta. Which makes it a disappointment in my books. Yes, it is a good movie, yes it was action packed, but no, it was not a cinematic masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination.
Maybe I’m reading too deep into it, but even the picture was grainy and sound was of poor quality. Let alone some substance to the movie.
I rate it a 6/10. And I truly wished it was a better movie so I could’ve rated it higher.
Hi Samson:
Thanks for visiting!
No, “300″ definitely is not a cinematic masterpiece. A cinematic masterpiece would be a movie like “Gladiator”, which is still one of my favourite movies across multiple categories.
However, I feel “300″ does deserve kudos for the choreography of the action and (here is where our opinions differ) the artistry of the camera shots. I think I understand where you perceive the graininess of the movie picture. There are many scenes where all the colours seem to blend together into one shade. But in my perception, I see it as the way the director wanted to highlight significant elements of the scenes.
For instance, in many of the battle scenes that utilize the “mono-shade” effect, some parts are purposely not blended in – particularly the red capes of the Spartans as well as the blood of the Spartans. This symbolizes the Spartans battling the tightening noose of darkness that the Persians surround them with. Furthermore, by allowing the redness of the Spartan blood to stand out, it causes the audience to empathize with their struggle.
That being said, I must say that the plot is a bit on the simple side…but I guess it’s because the situation it stems from is quite basic as well – the Persians want to enslave Sparta…the Spartans resent this…the Spartans fight back to defend their nation.
P.S. I liked “V For Vendetta” as well. I was especially impressed with Hugo Weaving’s mask-acting.