Random Pips

It is practically a well-known fact that all the events that occur on the movie, Jackass, are acts of extreme stupidity. But, of course, that doesn’t stop some people from attempting to emulate the stunts…even though the movie carries the how-much-more-obvious-do-I-have-to-make-this tagline, “Do not attempt this at home”.

One of the Jackass stunts seemed to have inspired two men from Eau Claire, Wisconsin, which happens to be the same state that the popular television series, That ’70s Show, is set in (images of Kelso immediately come unbidden to my mind). No, I assure you there isn’t any connection at all…I’m just throwing this little tidbit out there.

Anyway, after watching the movie on Sunday night, the two men were so impressed with the stunt in which one of the Jackass characters sets his genitals ablaze with flames that they thought it would be a good idea to do the exact same thing as well. Jared W. Anderson, 20, heroically volunteered his own genitals for the stunt while Randell D. Peterson, 43, took the responsibility of spraying lighter fluid on Anderson’s genitals and lighting it.

Apparently, it did not work the first time and instead of coming to their senses and stopping the stunt altogether, Peterson proceeded to spray even more lighter fluid on Anderson. The second attempt worked very well - the flames quickly spread from the genitals to the hands to the clothing. Anderson frantically hotfooted (excuse the unintended pun…or maybe it was intended) to the bathroom tub to douse the fire.

He eventually had to be transported to Regions Hospital Burn Unit in St. Paul, Minnesota to treat his second-degree burns. Meanwhile, Peterson was charged with felony battery and first-degree reckless endangerment. If he is convicted at his hearing on April 16th, he could spend up to ten years in prison.

Let us bow our heads and have a minute of silence…

Everyone ready? Let us now raise our hands…and give a standing ovation for the sheer stupidity of these two individuals, our fellow human beings.

Anderson, I hereby proclaim you “childless” and most importantly, “sexless” (*gasp* oh, the horror!) for the rest of your life. Peterson, fortunately you are not “sexless” but unfortunately, you’ll most likely be serving time in prison and won’t be having any sex…if you’re lucky. Gentlemen, congratulations on your new lives earned by extreme stupidity.