Bookin’ Prick

•June 2, 2009 • 1 Comment

I had to deal with the most obnoxious passenger I’ve ever encountered in a long time yesterday. Apparently, he’s some bigwig from up North. Really? Wow…because I would’ve expected someone in his position to be cultured, diplomatic, or – at the very least – civil.

Frankly, I don’t give a shit about what his high-mighty glorious title is – it can be ripped up into little jagged chunks and rammed down his throat, for all I care. As far as I’m concerned, if he does not even possess the basic social skill of being courteous (which is an implicit necessity expected from every single citizen), then he certainly does not deserve his title whatsoever.

First of all, he came up to the counter and barely acknowledged me – he just threw down his photo ID. I shrugged it off because there are always bound to be a few grumpy passengers on morning flights. I looked up his name and of course – with my luck that morning – he wasn’t booked on the flight.

“I’m sorry, sir, but it doesn’t appear that you have been booked on this flight,” I said with my best customer service voice.
He scowled hideously at me. “Yes, I am.”
“Well, I searched through our manifest with your name – [Arrogant Prick (actual name altered for confidentiality reasons)] – and you are definitely not booked on today’s flight. Unless you happened to have booked it under a different name.”
“My name is [Arrogant Prick],” he spat in a voice oozing with disdain.
“Exactly – so like I said, we don’t have anyone booked under that name and you are not on today’s flight.”
“Yes, I am,” he hissed.
I’m normally a fairly patient guy, but his obnoxious ignorance was really starting to tick me off. “Uh…no. You’re not. [Mr. Arrogant Prick],” I replied with a thin, frozen smile. He was supposed to be travelling with a group of other people and I noticed that their flights were booked by the organization they belong to. “Sir, if you’d like to fly today, you will have to get in touch with your organization and have them call Reservations to book your flight. Or – ”
He snarled and whipped around to face his group. They all got confirmed bookings on this flight just fine – except for him. “They said I’m not on the flight.”
One of the gentlemen (a classification of which [Arrogant Prick] clearly does not belong to) turned to me and asked if there is still room on the flight and I confirmed that there is. I went on to repeat my previous statement that [Arrogant Prick] naturally chose to ignore. “In order for [Mr. Arrogant Prick] to fly today, he will have to get in touch with your organization and have them call Reservations to book his flight. Or he can pay for it up front now and have them reimburse him afterward.”
I didn’t think it was actually possible, but [Arrogant Prick] deepened his scowl at me. “Then book it,” he burst out venomously.
“Excuse me?”
“Book it! I don’t see what the problem is here.”
“Well…sir,” I replied with some effort after managing to maintain my cool and to make sure my mouth did not emit fireballs of flaming fury to incinerate his pathetic excuse for a civilized human. “The problem is we require payment first before we can actually book you on the flight. So…as I’ve already stated before, either your organization can call Reservations or you can pay for it here right now and have your organization reimburse you afterward.”
The gentleman beside him nodded and offered to pay for [Arrogant Prick]’s flight booking today with his credit card and get a reimbursement from their organization later. I thanked him – taking great care that the thanks were offered to the gentleman only – and pointedly ignored [Arrogant Prick].
“No, I’ll pay with mine,” he cut in, gnashing his teeth. He threw down his credit card and turned away.
I made sure he was charged the full amount down to the cents.

Respect is a two-way street – it has to flow both ways. You can’t expect people to respect you if you do not give them due respect too.

[Mr. Arrogant Prick], you may hold a lofty position…but in my eyes and probably everyone else’s eyes, you are nothing but a measly little runt of a maggot attempting to gnaw a bite off the dried-up husk of an earthworm carcass baking in the summer sun. Have fun crawling under everyone’s disgust with you.

Bogus Hypnosis

•June 1, 2009 • 2 Comments

They say that genuine hypnosis is possible only if you dampen your will and allow your subconscious to be open to suggestions. In a sense, the true power behind the hypnosis process lies not with the hypnotist, but within you.

I’ve never witnessed a genuine hypnosis before. Yes, I did see a hypnosis show – I still stand by my previous statement though: I’ve never witnessed a genuine hypnosis before.

In the show, the hypnotist called for volunteers who would like to experience hypnosis and of course, dozens of eager feet pounded past me in a mad dash to the stage. I myself was a bit uncomfortable with the thought of a stranger implanting suggestions into my subconscious mind so I stayed in my seat. I was also bursting with curiosity to finally witness hypnosis in action and to observe how it actually works.

The hypnotist gave a brief explanation about how he is really just a facilitator and that it is actually the volunteers themselves who were the ones doing the hypnotizing. As the show progressed, I realized that he was right – but perhaps not in the way he probably intended his explanation to mean. I do not dispute the fact that it is ultimately the hypnotees who hypnotize themselves, but I do dispute the claim that they actually sink into a genuine hypnotic state during a mass-hypnosis entertainment show.

Ah…therein lies the key phrase: entertainment show. Both the hypnotist and the audience have a common understanding that they are all gathered there for the sole purpose to entertain and be entertained. The minute the hypnotist calls for volunteers, the ones who spring up do so partly because they are curious about hypnosis, but mostly because they want to entertain the friends and family who are with them.

They are so caught up in their desire to be entertaining that it is practically impossible for any of them to relax enough for their subconscious mind to manifest. And it shows – some more clearly than others, depending on their personalities and comfort levels. Yet, because of their desire to be entertaining as well as the fact that they are on stage with everyone watching their every move, they have no choice but to continue playing along and pretend that they have been genuinely hypnotized. Thus, they have “self-hypnotized” themselves to maintain a semblance of hypnosis even when they are not feeling it at all.

The hypnotist understands this very well. This is exactly what makes these hypnosis shows so successful (unless the volunteers get hurt or are made to perform something offensive) because there is absolutely no way the hypnotist can fail at “hypnotizing” the volunteers – none of the ones who have pretended to fall under the hypnosis spell would willingly admit that they were faking it. Granted, I am sure there some who have actually managed to dive headlong into hypnosis, but I’d wager that 90% of the volunteers were not genuinely hypnotized – at least not in this particular show anyway.

So admittedly, I was disappointed with this revelation. Nevertheless, I still believe that genuine hypnosis is absolutely possible – perhaps more so on a one-on-one basis outside of an entertainment show.

Baby Got Back Support

•May 28, 2009 • Leave a Comment

I tell ya, babies and toddlers have it so easy these days. Have you seen the baby strollers of today? They have got to be monstrosities dreamt up by Cadillac fanatics!

I remember back when I was a kid, “luxury travel” came in the form of a rickety frame upon which a piece of cloth was suspended so that our tiny bottoms would just sink in and we would dangle pretty much helplessly. It was not unlike falling backwards and getting stuck in the toilet during potty training – except we’d have tiny shopping cart wheels underneath to keep us trundling along.

A typical primitive baby stroller of my childhood days

A typical "primitive" baby stroller of my childhood days

(Image courtesy of: MoMA.org)

Nowadays, I can’t help gaping at all the strollers that are hauled around. I guess the manufacturers finally realized how uncomfortable it is to sit on a piece of cloth because the strollers now have actual molded seats with plump cushioning to give full support to babies’ backs. The wheels themselves are more accurately described as tires and they come along complete with sturdy, heavy-duty suspension systems. And they’re huge! Even when they are in their collapsed forms, the strollers of today utterly dwarf the fully expanded forms of the strollers in my day. These babies can probably crush their delicate parent models like a monster truck with only a slight hint of a bump.

A typical modern baby stroller monster of today

A typical modern baby stroller monster of today

(Image courtesy of: JakeandJo)

I haven’t even gotten into the luxuries on these strollers. It is now standard for retractable awnings to be installed. I have seen some strollers where the awnings have transparent screens that can be fastened down so that the babies can be completely protected from the elements.

Back in my day, we were totally exposed to whatever the weather happened to be. Oh, our parents would have an umbrella opened up above us of course, but if a few raindrops got through to splatter us in the face or if a few rays of sunlight slanted past the shade to hit us in the eyes – well, tough luck. Just suck it up, baby.

There are some stroller models now that even have their own built-in entertainment systems. That’s right, babies no longer need to gaze around aimlessly while they are being wheeled back and forth. They can listen to jolly tunes by pressing various buttons on toys (educational ones, of course) built into their nifty front tray, which – naturally – also has a convenient holder for their sippy cups.

Needless to say, we were not privy to such fancy features when we were riding in our strollers. Our entertainment during our stroller excursions was – oh, this is going to sound so primitive – the general scenery around us. You know…the trees, the flowers, the little birdies, the clouds – my personal favourite was the clouds because they stimulated my overgrown imagination. We had to cradle our sippy cups in our own arms and when we got tired, we had to drop them on our laps because we didn’t have a handy cup holder in front of us. Yeah, fancy that, eh?

I wonder what strollers will be like in the future when these babies grow up and have babies of their own. The tires would probably be obsolete then. Instead, the strollers would cruise on a cushion of air like hovercrafts – or maybe even be lifted by anti-gravity repulsors. Babies would be enclosed in hermetically-sealed titanium shells where they’ll have a full array of holographic displays to keep them perpetually entertained. And they wouldn’t have need of a cup holder – a little tube would just descend from the ceiling of the shell for them to suck on whenever the onboard computer system detects that they are thirsty.

As you may have already noticed, I am slightly jealous of babies these days – and they’ll most likely feel the same way about their own babies in the future. However, I am still quite proud of my childhood era. The lack of these fancy features had made us that much tougher (at least I like to imagine so, anyway).

Plus, we grew up in a time when Pluto was still known as a planet. How can we not take pride in that? There is even an entire Facebook group (several variations, actually) dedicated to shouting out to the world exactly how proud we are of that fact. And as we all know, Facebook is the authority on everything.

Hah – beat that, babies of today and tomorrow!